Dear Diary,
One fine day I was flying through the forest, headed back to
my nest when I heard shot. Then I heard another bird cry out for her mate. I
then spotted Valmiki. I landed on a branch out of sight. Valmiki spit out a
curse, directed towards the hunter who killed my fellow feathered being. The
curse rippled out in the form of a peom. A beautiful poem. Every time the mate missed the presence of her
once beloved the hunter would feel her pain. The hunter dropped his gun as he
felt the first stab of the Songbirds pain. It knocked him off his feet, but
that’s what true love does.
Then God Brahma appeared
before Valmiki. He began to share the story of Rama. I knew this was a story to
be told at the watering hole later tonight, so I had to get the details just
right. I would be the one in the spotlight tonight with the story of the hunter
and that I witnessed Brahma in the forest.
It wasn’t often that one of the true Gods graced the forest with their
presence. When it happened it was a big deal.
I heard Brahma tell Valmiki that he was to share Rama’s
story to his two sons.
Brahma: “You must share the story of their father to Kusha
and Lava”
“Or there is no hope for dear Sita”
Valmiki: “How will I do that?!”
Brahma: “You are wise, and now a poet. You will find a way.”
With that Brahma was gone. Valmiki started to pace, with a
concerned look on his face. He paced and he paced. Then he looked to the
heavens with a smile. He knew what to do. If only I knew what he was
thinking. I blinked and Valmiki was
gone. I knew nobody was going to believe
me. I wanted to go to the watering hole right away but nobody would be there in
middle of the day while the sun was blazing.
 |
| (Flower near watering hole: Flickr: James Rickwood) |
Sadly I would have to keep this story till later. Instead I flew home and began this entry. I
had to account for every detail and this was the way to do that. I also have to
wait for my brother to return from looking for food before I could head to the
watering hole. He always took forever. Eeeekkk! I have to tell someone.
Hi Shelly! This story was great! I especially like how it was from a bird’s point of view, as it gave more depth to the story. Reading the story from other points of view is a great way to gain an understanding of the text, so I’m glad you chose to write it this way. I also like that it was written in a diary form. This immerses the reader into the bird’s point of view, and not from a third person omniscient. You did a great job building your bird character into the story. I look forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteShelly,
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! I really liked this story but I could not think of a way to make it into a retelling. Your creativity really shines through in this! I thought the bird’s sense of urgency in telling what it had just seen was very cute. It gave a fun demission to your story. It would have been cool if the bird were a little more dynamic like it was at the end. Great job.
Shelly, I really liked your story. I like how you told the story through the eyes of the other bird, and then had the other character’s speaking as if this were a play. You had some pretty good detail in this story, especially when describing the poem. I also liked how you ended it as if you could tell the story another time for another post, which kind of gives some suspense. Just make sure to proofread once more next time because there were a few small errors. Good job!
ReplyDelete