This is my last morning as Gandhari the unmarried. This
evening I marry my love; the preparation has been going on for weeks, if only I
would have gotten to help plan my own wedding. I am not even sure where the
wedding will take place. I will be brought there by chariot when it is time for
me to walk down the aisle. The wedding is one of the most important days of our lives. It could last for days…I hope not. I just want to be with my love in our new
home.
I haven’t seen my beloved Dhitarashtra in days, and I am
troubled he will change his mind before the ceremony. I am supposed to spend a
majority of the day meditating in the garden, but no one has come to take me
there. Maybe I should just head there
myself? Then the thought pours out of my mouth, as if I have no filter…”What if
he changed his mind!” Wouldn't I know by now?…surely I would have gotten
some hint of trouble at breakfast. No one around here can keep a secret. They always let on that something is going on. Part of me is a little sad to be leaving them, its such a long journey back.
After several hours, a servant finally comes to accompany me to the garden. Its a place I normally go on my own. I guess today calls for special circumstances. I picked up my journal, and as I walked by the mirror I stopped to drink myself
in. A deep breath and I was out the door. I wish the servant would have given me some sort of news. I just wish I knew when we were leaving.
 |
| (Meditation Garden; Wiki) |
Down the spiral staircase, and out through the courtyard it's
going to be so weird not making that journey ever again. We have now reached the
meditation garden; I give the servant a nod to thank her for her company. I
often come here to write in my journal; there is something therapeutic about
putting pen to paper. Most people come and just sit with their thoughts or try
to clear them completely. I write. This journal contains my deepest thoughts,
although it’s a little worn…It's my second and is almost full. I have even planned out my dream wedding in
this thing, but its not like any one knows that. I wrote that entry long before
I met Dhitarashtra. Then my thoughts stray to him and what he is doing at this
exact moment. Is he meditating as well? I wish I could be holding his hand right now. I hope that (as we enjoy breakfast together tomorrow) I can paint
him a picture with words of what our newly decorated home looks like. I also plan to
describe the colors of our wedding to him. With all these wedding secrets being
kept from me, I have one of my own. I plan to cover my eyes, so I two will be
blinded. In my case, blind by love.
Author's Note: I wanted
to do a storytelling post based on Gandhari's feelings about her wedding. I
wanted to document the moments leading up to her wedding. You always hear about
pre-wedding jitters or “cold feet.” I figured she would feel the same
thing. I wanted her to question whether
or not he would be there waiting for her when it was time to walk down the aisle. Marriage is a big commitment and I think anyone who decides to take that
leap has a moment of doubt. Also every bride wants to document her wedding day,
and what better way then in a reflective journal entry?I also wanted to showcase her
love for her new husband and highlight the fact that she covered her eyes. I thought there was something beautiful about
the way she did that in the original story. Plus I love a good love story and this let me
try my hand at writing my own. It was fun to think about what if someone else
planned your wedding and you were just a participant. I don’t think I would
like that…but it would take away a lot of the stress. Adapted from the
story Narayan, R. K. (1978). The Mahabharata.
